Mother – our relationship with our mother determines and symbolises our relationship with the primal life force, love, and feminine power. It is through her that we learn an inner sense of safety, our relationship with the body, sexuality, and the ability to receive.
Mother shows us closeness. Being distant from our mother can result in an inability to form close relationships in a safe way – that is, with autonomy and without co-dependency. Mother is the love within us, our softer side. She represents full access to own desires, feelings, and emotions.
A lack of, or limited access to, our mother creates a void - a need to earn love and sacrifice ourselves in adult life. It is also a struggle that we most often fight within ourselves. Am I allowed to be here? What do I have to be like for you to finally notice me, Mum? What else do I have to do for you to love me, Mum?
Father – a good relationship with our father means an open heart and a desire to discover the world. It is a sense of being protected and cared for, a sense of self-worth, strong boundaries, the ability to earn money and take action. It is curiosity about the world and our relationship with authority. It is being direct and straightforward, and being effective in our actions.
Experiencing the absence of a father is a tragedy for the whole family, where the woman often takes on the dual role of being a mother and a father. This creates conflict and confusion in the child. Who is who? From whom am I supposed to learn how to be a man? From my masculine mother, or from my absent father? Maybe it is better if I just give up and hide from the world.
What happens when we see and acknowledge the absence?
A farewell takes place. We say goodbye to the part of us that is still waiting for the parent to wake up, come back, acknowledge us, and see our wounded heart. This farewell happens through honouring and recognizing this part within us, giving it a special place, in all the truth and depth of our feelings.
It means seeing the consequences and effects of this absence. Such an encounter leads to accepting our fate on a deep level. When absence is acknowledged, it can begin to be filled anew. This leads to the flow of life and love becoming unblocked. More space opens up for relationships in the here and now, creating space for new quality of life.